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Superman Batman Dawn of Something or Other


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Got a chance to watch the movie again on a free HBO weekend. On second watch, it's not as bad as I remember. (The previous Superman was trash and don't get me started on Lone Ranger.)

Things they did right:
Superman showing up in the desert bursting the sound barrier ... good stuff. Super bum rushing the bad guy holding Lois was great. (Dude, the dude can move at super fast speed, either shoot the chick or don't.)

Batman costume, much better.

When the Bat dude says "You aren't Brave, only men are brave ..." great line. (Of course, it turns out to be shit but it was a great line to that point.)

The intro when we first learn about the Superman ... well done. Wish there had been more.

Doomsday ... not bad ... but not the genetic offspring of Luthor and Zod. Sorry, the universe isn't that neat.

Superman tearing a sewer cover in half and flinging it at opposing Bat Guns ... nice touch.

Jeremy Irons as Alfred. Well chosen.

Diane Lane and Kevn Costner as Ma and Pa Kent. Damn, can someone write them some lines. (Okay the one where Martha replied to the Batman when he said he was Superman's friend ... "Yea, I kinda' figured it with the cape and all ..." ... the one laugh in the movie.

Heroic Superman doing the Excalibur / King Arthur / Mordred jam the deadly spear into the bad guy thing. That's my Supes. You aren't brave ... only men are brave.

Batman laying the wood. Yea, that's my boy. There were a few liberties and you can't get shot in the cowl and nothing happens. Back up and do that one again.

Supe's Mom is Martha. Batz Mom is Martha ... funny I never noticed that. Well actually his Mom is Lara El but ... you know.

Demonstration that our "elite thinkers" really are just dumb jack wads. The analysis of Supes as a new god is asinine. The dude is just a cosmic boy scout raised on a farm in Kansas. He really has no interest in molesting the interns. He has no claim on divinity. He would pull his tormenter from the sinking bus because that's what a kid from Kansas would do. The story goes he's the last son of Krypton and knows it.

Things they did wrong
Put the bloomers back on the Big Cheese. He wears bloomers with a yellow belt. Stop it. And the cape has a big damn S on the back. Shut your gob and do it right.

Blue, the suit is blue ... not ominous blue ... blue ... shut your gob and do it right.

The cape ... the cape is heroic ...not regal ... it's for being bad ass cool not ominous and dark. Shut your gob and do it right.

All humans are jack asses ... Supes knows that. In the movie, of course all humans are jack asses but Supes acts all emo about it. Yes, the government is jackass. Yes, Bats is jackass. Yes, people are jackass. Supes just endures. Don't let him be confused by the jack assery ... it's not new and it won't go away anytime soon.

Lois Lane in the water pit at the end ... yea, whatever.

Jimmy Olson, CIA?? WTF!!!!! Stop messing with Jimmy Olson. He's Superman's pal when there is no other. Can't a dude have a best friend. Yea, he's the nerdy red head who likes cameras and with his pluck and earnest sincerity, he became Superman's "Pal". Put the stinking watch on him and do it right (with a shut gob).

He gets his power from the big fusion ball in the sky ... yea, it's cheap movie dudes ... use it.

Eisenberg as Luthor ... on the fence. Heath Ledger wasn't available. The dude from Breaking Bad would have been fun but wouldn't have made a second one. Gene Hackman is the best Luthor ever.

Did I miss it ... did Cavill's nose grow? That dude is buff but his nose seems wrong. Otherwise, spot on. Sorry, was distracted.

Batz doesn't use a gun. Sorry. Canon. Never. Never. Never. He does shoot things from guns and deploys rockets and flingary things. No guns. Never.

And, the big one. No one punks Batman. The whole story is hinged on Luther screwing with Batz and making him fight Superman. No. Batz doesn't fall for that crap. In the Killing Joke, Robin punks the Joker ... that was not a well thought out plan. Best to play certain people straight up.

Luthor's comment at the end that the bell has been rung ... what is that dude, crazy? Oh yea, the Joker thing. Luthor as a villain that fears the Kandorian at the same time is jealous, vengeful ... that works. But, crazy like the Joker. Nah.


To be honest, it needed a movie in the middle after the Cheese shows up and has to be battle a middling but pretty terrible space villain other than Zod. Put Superman as protector of Earth in context. Work the narrative. Establish that we know the dude and we're okay with it. Then, bring in the jack assery and Luthor's plan. Then, redemption in the next movie.

Just my opinion.

Yours,

   Kon El Conrad



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