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Bajillion Ways to Die, Episode 3


The players were given a mission to find and fix the problem w/ the electricity. Easy peasy.

They ran into an old rival who fiendishly grafted Sabre Tooth tiger DNA w/ two of the player enforcer clones, add some sorcery—which he’s reputed to use—and he had two pets. Ones which shared “feelings” w/ two enforcers. When these cats were later crushed in climax combat, the two sympathetic characters received vicious. But no one is crying for a dead clone.

Three problems, the map clearly showed three problems. But ignoring the key, the players diddled w/ signs and LCD displays and even got their laundry pressed. (Not really.) Exploration is good. Another set of damnable holograms were dissipated. These phantoms thought the clones were just organ donors for the originals. Wrong!

What’s going on? Still maybe a baby step closer, but no breakthrough. The power was restored, somewhat. At least extra power will no longer be diverted to make Thuggee. Now extra electrical capacity will slowly turn on base functions. A set of walking brooms—I say no more in print to avoid the lawsuit—grab water from the Pacific Ocean and slowly try to refill the Fu-Z-Ion reactor. Oh, Torquemada took a piece of that, but mission five may help solve “Team ???” w/ that rivalry. Still no team name and no leader? You guys?

In between the start and the end, there were madmen: a guy who loved bright lights and oration, a guy who loved air conditioning, really loved it—I avoid names to keep Homeland Security off the message boards—a guy who tested voltage w/ his tongue. Am I seeing the fate of all enforcers in Bajillion Ways to Die?

Back to the action, cause someone said he hadn’t rolled a die in fifteen minutes. Agreed, but as Ref I once again ask when someone will step up and be the leader? Clone Four, I’m looking at you. Get the plumbers back working, lots of rolls. Get the Prophet hologram dispelled, a couple rolls, get the shielded robots to the right room, one roll failed and one made. Okay, not enough rolls. Next time I guarantee a huge fight every fifteen! I actually had a set of wandering monsters, which I should have tossed out. Some of their excerpts are listed below.

How did we end up here? The session ended about a half an hour after I desired, but that was okay, since it started about an hour late. The sabre tooth cats were dead. The team was chasing an old rival, then in an segue to Cutlass, the enforcers ended up in the Fashion Mall at the Nail salon. Someone touched the Pyrate ship on the TV and found it wasn’t a TV. It’s the VIP. Vertical Interaction Point? Your guess at the acronym is as good as mine.

Poof! Not so much. The players crawled and grunted through a portal and onto the beak of a sailing ship circa 1493. “In 1493, Columbus gave some spice to me.” Oh that was foreshadowing, ah missed it.

The whole big battle turned into “we are here, we are confused, we act as angels, we fly back to portal now.” Excelsior. Actually, it was a bad man on the ship leading Columbus astray – has to be a theme park gone crazy? Columbus will actually reach India. Nah, timeline is eternal? The whole thing is a scam to get salt water. Could it really be that simplistic and moronic? Hey, you want to make a Thuggee (clone), then you need some juice. That juice comes from Tokamak.

Rather than killing a bad guy, putting a .45 cal into Colombo, and sinking the Santa Maria, the guys limped back to home base. They had the ship tack, move close to the television portal. (Something only they can see, and CL#16, Talat Pasha, can see.) They ask the sailors in the crew to give them a leg up, hoisted back to the Vietnamese Gal in the Hair Salon.

Convinced yet that she could be right? You’re all just rabbits dreaming you’re people? Let that thought stew and ask yourself if a moment in time was lost and your group (leaderless) is no more closer to the goal than the end of mission two. Okay, play was rushed? Actually, it wasn’t – four hours, tick-tock.

Other Wrong Solutions:
“Back before the dead rose from the graves, I hardly recall, but there was that time. Wasn't now.” (Theatrical actor)

“We stopped having babies. No babies! What were we to do. Watch everyone turn gray.”(Pair Office Girls)

“This is all some perverted virtual reality, a great big TV show being watched by the masses.” (Several women clad in hairdresser smocks)

“We worshiped beauty, not intellect. Look what refinement has wrought.” (Pair middle aged house frau)

“Have you had your chip removed? They have been known to mind control you, so they can track you.” (Masseuse)

“I've seen the antichrist. His beast mark is everywhere.” (Old codger)

“Love was seen as a disease, of course, so it was cured.”(Rare nonhuman, wandering robot, looks functionally like a theater usher – still a hologram robot)

“I blame the democrats. They like changing things that don't need fixing.” (Day Trader)

“As the days go by, we face the increasing inevitability that we are alone in a Godless, uninhabited, hostile and meaningless universe. Still, you've got to laugh, haven't you?” (Teen minimum wage job seeker)



Message Replies:
Page Four, August 7th -- red (posted: 12/31/2017) 
Page 6 of forum... -- Russian Hacker Mike (posted: 12/31/2017) 
Bajillion Di-ref-tory -- red (posted: 12/31/2017) 
Protect the VIP -- red (posted: 12/31/2017) 
Tentative Episode Four Play Date -- red (posted: 12/31/2017) 
Need the artifact list -- Tony (posted: 1/1/2018) 
Narrowing a tiny bit -- Mike#7 (posted: 1/1/2018) 
Not My Mahu -- red (posted: 1/1/2018) 
Relics to Date -- red (posted: 1/1/2018) 
Last Mission Update -- red (posted: 1/4/2018) 
In Explanation -- red (posted: 1/4/2018) 
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