... 2.6 billion sales in the plandemic year ....
Message:.... And it wasn't enough.
They risk the good will of their emo customers to make an extra couple hundred bucks.
If you wonder why the MS product is such crap, this is the business talent they produce.
At least when the amateurs cratered the company into the granite back in the 90's, we got that neat "Dragon Dice" game. HA!!! now, that's funny. And I LIKE Dragon Dice but damn, it's a stinker.
The do have a hard task. To keep making money, they have to sell the nerds more product. And, by "more", I mean the same stuff over again.
The full catalog is:
- three "core" books,
- an introduction version
- a few class supplements,
- a second monster manual,
- Unearthed Arcana (nostalgic favorite)
- the Zray Hawk Folio (Darlene's maps)
- three dozen "modules" of varying quality
- a mediocre campaign setting owned by other people (Dragon Pointed Stick)
- an Oriental adventures (where they can't even say the zazist "Oriental" word but ninjas are so cool they will risk it.)
- an emo Vampire romance novel setting,
- Gamma World ... D&D in post apocalyptic ruin.
- a sub-par battle system,
- D&D Space Game ... Star Frontiers or Star Dragons or Star Ponies
- exactly one D&D "movie" that's always almost done,
- throw in a few odd titles like Bullwinkle, Buck Rogers, EPT, John Carter, Conan, or even Dallas games,
- Spell Zammer.
I mention Spell Zammer specifically because it's the end of the bookshelf. Even they are embarrassed by Spell Zammer ... this time we definitely won't make Spell Zammer they promise themselves and then one day, the cupboard is bare and they only have Spell Zammer to make a few lucre.
Spell Zammer is the signal that the cycle is about to start again.
There isn't any more. They stopped making new content 30 years ago. No one that works for them has any original ideas except whatever is on twitter.
Hey let's change the word race to zace ... that's genius!!!!! How about a reprint of the "The Dragon" ... whoops, we put it on CD years ago. Plus, we told everyone that the articles are all zazist.
What about the New Braunstein!!!! (Too German.)
So, the current bosses have to somehow repackage up all the old crap and sell it to the rubes again. And by rubes, I don't mean the Mensa rubik's cube solvers. Hey, hey ... don't take offense ... I refer to myself if nothing else.
The bosses don't play this crap ... they have mortgages and cheap liquor to drink. They like sports ball and golfing. It's what corporate types do. Yea, they are living in their own hell. Let them burn there. Well, I've heard the only game the bosses play is Spell Zammer ... so ... that explains it.
But, as in all things, we recoil from just incrementing the number. I'm not that stupid. So, they bring in their marketing consultants and they say ... just give it a cool name like XD&D or Diceless D&D or now with 27% less Spell Zammer D&D. Come on they are idiots but they know Spell Zammer is the canary in the poop factory.
One D&D ... yea, that's it!!!!! Quick, get some some Taylor Zwift wannabe to bleat it all out on auto tune!!! (It's coming.) We can't afford the Stones.
And, they are smart enough to know to say ...
it's not different but it's different (tm) ... a statement so short, how could you miss the mind numbing stupidity.
When they were working on 5e, they promised they would
... remove the rules no one uses anymore ... without being specific. Of course, the rules we didn't use were Spell Zammer ... but .. you know.
You aren't empowered to stop the marketing as bad as it is. That's for the next generation. You aren't it anymore. Come on, surely you can see it now.
They need you to be Obe Wan ... Matt Decker for the cool kids. Teach the next budding Dungeon Masters. Show them the power of the druid. Hide the Spell Zammer until they can't escape. (Even noobs know Spell Zammer is crap -- wait til you have them hooked.) Just convince them to buy the crap you won't.
Come and play ... roll the dice. Laugh with the joy of thousand grognards. Kill the minotaur for the 50th time. We don't need no stinkin' badges. We never needed the stinking badges.
Laugh at the suits when they tell you Orkz are people too. Mock them when they are forced to wear the T shirts over their suits. They have to show they are one of us.
You always had the power. It was in the shoes. It's always in the shoes. Back in the day, we played with mimeographed copies of the game. Can you smell the ditto fluid. The Post man brings the dice. The rest is you.
Yours,
IronConrad
08-Jan-2023